Cries and laughter filled the house when a baby girl was born. As the firstborn of the family, her parents’ hearts were filled with love and joy. They cherished her as every parent does with their firstborn.

A year later, a baby boy was born and attention was naturally divided between the two children. When the baby girl was about three, another baby boy was born. Again, attention was split as all three children were too young to care for themselves.

As she grew up, Sara, the baby girl, always felt alone. Her two brothers would team up against her, whether in arguments or while at play. They would say things like, “You won’t understand what we’re playing,” or “You’re a girl; it’s not fun to be around you or play with you.”

When she reached out to her parents, they were often busy with their matters. Despite this loneliness, Sara tried to remain joyful. She had a cheerful nature, spread happiness around her, and wouldn’t let anyone stay sad. Though often mistaken as weak, she wasn’t weak; she simply felt neglected by the people whose attention she craved.

“Is it so wrong to ask for your parents’ attention or wish for your brothers to play with you?” Sara would wonder.

This loneliness led Sara to keep her feelings to herself. She wouldn’t share her problems with anyone, always striving to meet her parents’ expectations as the eldest sibling. When her brothers fought or misbehaved, she was blamed, and everyone would tell her, “Sara, why don’t you teach your brothers something? You are their elder sister; it’s your responsibility.”

Throughout her life, Sara tried to meet her parents’ expectations, aiming to be the perfect daughter. She achieved many certificates and accolades, but what was the use when no one was there to celebrate her achievements? Her parents were always occupied with her brothers and never had time for her. It felt as though she never existed, only being remembered when someone needed her to do something.

In the end, she would hear, “Our oldest one is the most responsible; she manages everything on her own; we don’t even have to worry about her.”

What many fail to understand is that older siblings do not have other older siblings to look after

them; they rely on their parents. Despite this, Sara moved on, thinking that life was too short for grudges. She believed it was okay for her to get hurt, but she refused to be the reason for anyone else’s pain. Over time, Sara grew accustomed to her loneliness and became resigned to the idea that nobody cared for her.

Eventually, Sara stopped appreciating herself and stopped feeling happy about her accomplishments. She kept herself on edge, stayed with toxic people just for a little attention, and compared her worth to her achievements, hoping for recognition. All she ever wished for was to be treated with the same kindness, love and care that she extended to others.

Generations of neglect toward older siblings have created a pattern where they take on a significant load, leading parents to believe they are fine on their own. However, this is not true; they also need support and someone to lean on, just like younger siblings. When eldest one is neglected, the child stops sharing their problems, and begins to experience a low self-esteem and develops various mental health issues, leading to distancing from others. Therefore, dear parents, if you are reading this, please do not neglect your eldest child or put too much responsibility on them.

Published in Dawn, Young World, October 5th, 2024