“Look at them, buying so much grocery! They must have a lot of money to spend, tsk, tsk, tsk!”

“She has no interest in her studies. Who knows what she’s going to do in the future?”

These are some of the comments we hear being made about others by people around them, who may be us, family members, relatives, and sometimes even teachers. In collective terms, by ‘society’. And it is society that we blame for such judgemental opinions and ideas.

Society will grill you on everything and anything, be it academic progress, body shape, hobbies, achievements and even very personal things. People can be judged for going out in public overdressed, as well as when they keep to their comfort zone. If one is slim, they will get remarks like, “You need to gain some weight!” And if one is healthy, they will be told to lose weight.

Girls will be told to be more ‘girly’, and boys will be told to ‘man up’. A woman driving a vehicle will get glares and a man doing house chores will be labelled ‘unmanly’.

How did we get here? Who defined these guidelines for us, who is the person who created the silhouette of the seemingly ‘perfect human’? And why do some people still host these regressive ideas?

Even as individuals, while going out or doing anything, we ask ourselves: “What will people think?” Or “Log kya kaheinge?” And soon overthinking about society makes us uncomfortable in our skin, and shatters our confidence and creativity. And while we might not realise it, each one of us judges other people in the same way. We think about the clothes they are wearing, the house they live in, and the car they drive, and make up our mind about them just by how they look or their belongings. It has simply become our nature to take one look at a person and make assumptions about their personality, because that is what we have been taught to do all our lives. We easily assume what a person is like even without having any sort of conversation with them.

Yet again, we blame it on society, as if we are not a part of it and are not doing what others are doing. However, it is for us to realise that we, as a community, make up society and the general mind-set of our community. As we collectively make up ‘society’, to change society, we must first positively change ourselves and our thinking. Remember, change starts with each of us.

Having more acceptance in our hearts for people, and accepting people for their uniqueness is something we all must learn to do. We are treated the exact way we treat others, which is why we must always treat others with the best of behaviour and be accepting and warm towards them, no matter our differences. Learn to embrace our contrasts, and start being nicer to others. Change yourself if you want to see a change in others — because change starts with you!

Published in Dawn, Young World, April 1st, 2023