Dear Auntie,

I wrote to you some six years ago, when I was a teenager, and thought my problems were probably too small to matter. You may not remember me, but I still do. I am 25 years old now and pursuing my master’s degree. I thought about you today while crying for the same reasons I was crying back then.

I also wrote to you in 2025, when I had just finished my undergrad studies. That was also the year I met my mother after 22 years and then watched her leave again. I was in love, had friends and was hopeful that one day I would feel more at ease. My father was still the same, but I had stopped expecting anything from him.

Today, I still feel lonely. I keep thinking that I am not fit for any relationship because I cannot deal with people and connections normally. What breaks me is having to pretend to be normal and happy in front of the person I thought would ease my mental burden. My mother has cut me off entirely and very harshly. My father is still the same, although he hasn’t done anything bad to me. I have a cat to love.

I am tired of never feeling carefree, even for a day. I keep thinking about what I have to eat and what I have to cook. I sleep a lot these days and cannot do anything properly. I go to sleep crying and wake up crying, for no reason at all. I smoke sometimes.

I don’t know what my problem is anymore. I just know that I feel exhausted, lonely and unable to connect normally with people. I don’t know how to get out of this cycle, or whether I can ever feel at ease.

I don’t even know if you still exist.

Tired of Pretending

Dear Tired of Pretending,

To start, I want you to know that the fact that you didn’t receive a reply from me six years ago or even last year does not mean your problems were too small. I receive far more letters than I can possibly answer, and I have a word limit in my column so it is not possible to respond to everyone. I am sorry about the silence from my end.

Now that I have read your letters together, what really strikes me is that so much has changed in your life, but the loneliness is still there. You have completed your degree, started postgraduate studies, have friends, fallen in love and tried to make peace with your parents. Yet you are exhausted and you still have to pretend that you are fine.

Please don’t decide that you are incapable of relationships. You have been carrying emotional pain for a long time. Sleeping long hours, crying, unable to do everyday things and feeling that you cannot cope are all signs that need to be taken seriously. I strongly recommend that you speak to a mental-health professional rather than continuing like this. You have been struggling for a long time and deserve proper support.

Also, don’t expect your relationship to rescue you from the situation. A loving person can support you, but no partner or friend can carry your burden of years of loneliness and family pain.

For now, just try to make your life simpler. Eat, look after your cat, attend your classes, do the work you can and stay connected to at least one friend or relative that you trust. And find the professional help that you need.

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.
Auntie will not reply privately to any query.
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Published in Dawn, EOS, September 27th, 2026